DATING DROUGHTS AND THE MOTHER’S DAY BLUES

* Please note:  For convenience sake, I write the following using nouns referring to the male gender. Please feel free to insert whatever gender makes you feel crappy on Mother’s Day.

We love our children like crazy. We are grateful to have them. They entertain, exasperate, and enchant us… But for Solo Moms, Mother’s Day can be a holiday that unwittingly emphasizes that we are, in fact, solo. Sort of like Valentine’s Day but with kids thrown in. Let’s face it; Mother’s Day is generally viewed as a celebration of the nuclear family. “Honey, you are such a great mother. I’m the luckiest man on earth. Let me rub your feet.”

And even though we don’t have partners, we still have children, so we still must parent… alone. On the day my married friends (you know, the ones who complain about how much their husbands work, how the Bali trip was downgraded to Hawaii, and how their housekeeper has an eye infection – yet again!) are treated to mani-pedis and shopping sprees, I’m doing laundry and picking up dog poop.

We Solo Moms don’t have a partner to make us breakfast in bed, treat us to a massage, or take us to that over-crowded, over-priced brunch where everyone’s kids are freaking out because they ate too much sugar, and the moms are pissed at the dads for not stepping up and controlling the goddamned kids for once.

Aside from the precious art projects our children make us at school (God bless the Elementary School teacher), we don’t get the spa day. And even if we did, we don’t have anyone to watch our kids so we can go. Because everyone is celebrating Mother’s Day.

Worst of all: Our dating life comes to a complete standstill.

Most single men, like us, are hopefully honoring their own mothers on this day. (If not, we don’t want them in the first place.) On top of this, most men are hopefully helping their own children honor their mother – a/k/a their ex-wives.  (It’s a sticky situation. But if they don’t appreciate the mother of their children, let’s face it – we don’t want them either.)

Ergo, Mother’s Day can be one that potentially stinks for your entire, sweet little family. Our kids feel lousy because they don’t have the money or ability to send us those flowers we so desperately want, or take us to that godforsaken brunch we so desperately don’t want (but still would like the option), and we feel lousy because, well, we are single.

So because I love you so much, save for a last minute Prince Charming to take you and your offspring to Disneyland, I present you with a list of man-free, Mother’s Day alternatives:

* Deflect: Celebrate your own mom (or aunt, or sister, etc.) If you are lucky enough to still have Mom on this earth, she needs the attention just as much as you do.

* Better yet, unload your kids ON your mom so you can get that mani-pedi.  After all, she loves being around her grandkids. What better gift?

* Do something for another Solo Mom. You know it will be appreciated.

* Have your Solo Mom friends over for a party. Or pool for a sitter and go out for martinis.

* Give your kids some money so they can buy you a gift.

* Do NOT let your kids make you breakfast in bed.

* Skip the dishes for the entire day. Do not make the beds. Do not walk the dogs. For the love of god, do not pick up the poop. Do not wash your face… and hell, don’t even brush your teeth. The dogs won’t care.

* Plant flowers with your kids.

* Eat as much chocolate as you’d like.

* Remember how lucky we are to be moms in the first place.

And imagine the day when the tough stuff will be behind us. When we will look back, and feel proud.  We survived. We did great! We will celebrate and be celebrated… by our children and their children… who will come and visit us, and finally take us to that crappy brunch we so deeply deserve.

You are beautiful.
I love you.
Happy Mother’s Day!

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